STEP SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE LANVIN...

I want to live in Martin Grant’s showroom. I could sleep under the clothes rails and dress up in the clothes every morning. His lovely PR could bring me cups of coffee and I’d be just perfectly happy. I went to the showroom ostensibly on ‘Official Business’, but I somehow ended up with a carrier bag containing a tissue wrapped jacket from the summer collection (half price - justified!). I had admired this jacket in the show: black, boat necked, bracelet length sleeves that gather at the cuff – in short it’s an Audrey Hepburn jacket. And I love it as I loved that whole collection.
The winter collection is where I discovered The Perfect Trench. It’s leather. Not Gestapo leather, buttery soft ‘mouse grey’ leather. Here's a pic of it in beige. It's on my 'only if I win the lottery' wishlist.

There was also a gorgeous duffel jacket with cute leather buttons. ‘Look at the buttons!’ I exclaim to the PR who has er, no doubt seen them already.

At Café Marly overlooking the Louvre pyramid I witnessed an impeccable display of rejection from the waiter. A group of tourists asked in their best French where the toilet was. The waiter responded in rapid fire French, making them strain to catch his words. “Turn around, turn left, go down the passage, cross over the road and go into the metro.” Translation; “Fuck off! We don’t want your kind of riff raff round here, especially if you’re not even going to pay for a cup of coffee.”

I head on over to that most important of tourist destinations…Colette. As I climb the stairs to the first floor I’m just thinking how I’ve never seen anyone actually buy anything there, except a CD or book from the ground floor. I reach the top of the stairs: Except when it’s THE COLETTE HALF PRICE SALE.

Whoo hoo! The Lanvin, the Chloe, the Prouenza Schouler, the Marni, the Marc Jacobs etc etc. I join the rifling. I see the Lanvin bag I’d admired before. Ochre patent, brown and navy soft leather and black perspex clasp - sounds disgusting doesn’t it? It is lush. Unfortunately even with fifty percent off it’s still too big an investment.

I content myself with trying on armfuls of Lanvin and Chloe. A steel grey satin Lanvin dress with a back panel of tulle and exposed zip is amazing but the big elastic belt attached makes me want to cut it off, and you can’t do that to the Lanvin.

I was all set to buy a shell top (Lanvin again) in steel grey brushed cotton, with a massive obi ribbon type thing on the front. I thought it looked pretty good even though it was a size 34. The female assistant agreed. Then the male assistant minced along and pointedly informed me that ‘It’s supposed to be loose on the hips’. I gave the top to hip hater boy and carried on my search for Lanvin. The ridiculously heeled platform Japanesey shoes – yes they were there but would only ever be used as bookends. The satin ballet pumps in petrol blue I pounced upon – one pair left in size 35. Damn! After more trying on of Chloe linen button front skirts and Marc Jacobs tops reduced to 100 euros I tell myself to step away from the Lanvin, put the Chloe down, leave now, remembering the truth about sales.

1: If it’s in the sale it is either a size so small or large it fits no one.
2: It is a ‘difficult’ piece rather than an item of clothing.
3: It was overpriced in the first place. 2440 euros for a jersey T-shirt dress anyone?
4: All the best stuff will have already been snapped up by the Colette staff, their friends and selected customers invited to the sale preview.
5: All of the above.

At least I have a pile of invitations back in London for the sale previews next week.
I discovered that the rest of the sales in Paris begin on the 28th June – the same as in London. Colette’s is a bit before everyone else, mais bien sur.