Wednesday, November 29, 2006
A LITTLE EXORCISE...
Today seems to be the day for blogging as subject. I don't question it that much, in the way that I don't question the volumes of sketchbooks and morning pages I have stashed away all over the place that most people in my 'real life' have no idea about. It's just something I do and always have done, except someone went and invented blogging which is the perfect medium to express, as Alicia says in such a perfect way, my need to "lurch about saying this or that, whatever it is." The only times I've ever felt any negative feelings about what I consider a necessary part of my life are the thankfully rare occasions when someone I know in the scary non internet world, who I know doesn't get who I am or where I'm coming from and does not have my best interests at heart or at anywhere, mentions casually that they have "read my blog a couple of times". This is presented with no further comment or discussion which, depending on the person can make me feel as if they have stolen a key to my house, come in and taken a shit in the corner of my living room and left quietly, perhaps making some kind of snidey quip to their accomplice about my choice of soft furnishings on the way out. It's hard to continue to write freely when my safe little world has been invaded. As much as I hate to admit it, it makes everything I write a bit stilted and self conscious for a while until I can get back on my feet and truly believe it when I say (silently) "I'm not doing it for you and I don't give a shit what you think." Sorry if this is all a bit cryptic, and may sound like I'm taking it all a leeetle bit too seriously but in order to express myself again I must ahem, express myself.
What has consistently amazed and thrilled me since starting this blog is that I now know THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE ME; people somewhere out there in the world who like the things I like and seem to understand what I'm going on about, even if it's just macaroons or shoes and when I don't know myself half the time.