HAVE CAR, WILL TRAVEL...

Nobody, but nobody should ever try to live in the public transport black hole of South London without having a car. Especially not over the new year period. Every train, bus and rusty old held together with brown packing tape mini cab will smell of and will more than likely be covered in congealed vomit. The vomit upholstered mini cab will have a rude and surly driver and will cost £10 for a two mile journey.

During the hour and a half by public transport it takes to get from South East London to East London to pick up your repaired darling little motor from the hospital, you will very possibly be unavoidably compelled to call another passenger a motherf**king c**cksucker when he shoves you out of the way to get the only spare seat.

And then all will become calm as your car is returned, the engine starts without the RAC performing open heart surgery on it and you traverse the same distance home by car in twenty three minutes. Duckie, I love you. We're back on the open road again and never shall I take having a car for granted.

{photo: Norbert Schoerner, UK Vogue January 2005}