Tuesday, May 13, 2008

ABOUT THE BEACH I'M NOT GOING TO...

I've had a spray tan. It's not like me to do such a thing but I'm going to Italy tomorrow. When I heard that for some of the time we would be at the seaside I panicked and booked the tan. If I was going to be the only out of shape, slightly flabby, not wearing a matching Roberto Cavalli bikini, chiffon kaftan and bejewelled gold high heeled mules English person on the beach then I at least wasn't going to add pale to the list of misdemeanors. Going to the seaside in England is a cinch. No one gives a shit what you look like, everyone displays their beer bellies without a care in the world and after drinking too much booze with lunch you fall asleep in the sun - turning your pallid skin the colour of lobsters before the day is out. The beach I'm talking about in Italy is where people arrive in Lamborghinis and there's an Armani shop right by the beach, where in England there'd be a chip shop or somewhere selling fake Crocs and fishing nets. I haven't been to Forte dei Marmi for about ten years, so the last time I went was before the influx of Russian oligarchs.

If before it was like something out of a Fellini film, now it seems it's like something out of a Fellini re-make with costumes by Cavalli. Anyway, the last time I went to my friend's house there it was Easter weekend. It was wonderfully hot but when we got to the beach there were people, I swear to god, wearing fur coats and enormous sunglasses, or full on black Prada or Gucci suits with high heels (this was the nineties!) sitting in deckchairs sunning themselves. To say I stuck out like a sore thumb with my shorts and sunburn would be something of an understatement.

It is really beautiful there though. The beach is huge and you have the mountains behind you - even the beach huts and parasols are chic. With the tan as a disguise I'd really got into the idea of going. I don't think we're going there now though, so my standing naked for half an hour in front of the woman who spray tans Kate Moss, striking a variety of ridiculous poses and finding my body image issues pulled into sharp focus was perhaps slightly unnecessary.

4 comments:

la femme said...

I hope you have a lovely time...

Iheartfashion said...

Lucky you! Wish I was there (at Forte dei marmi, I mean, not the spray tan)!
I recently subjected myself to a spray for the first time as well, although not, thankfully, by the woman who does Kate M. (oh, the body issues!)
After the initial mahogany brown was showered off, I glowed quite nicely for about a week, until it started to slough off in uneven patches, giving me the appearance of someone with a highly contagious skin disease (useful for jumping ahead in the grocery line, though)
SO, my advice: moisturize. constantly.

maitresse said...

oh! darling, I think it's much more chic to remain pale amongst the vulgar tanned masses :)
(but I only think that because I don't have a choice!!)

Lola Is Beauty said...

IHF: I should have listened to you about the moisturising. I sort of forgot and now I look like a snake...

maitresse: I agree with you but I am weak and perhaps a bit vain...