NO LONGER ELSEWHERE...

I'm re-posting this sarky lil piece I wrote about Parisian etiquette for Webooks here, as the whole Webooks articles-to-go-with-their-books-thing is no longer of the interwebs. Where does it all disappear to? The same place as all the lost odd socks no doubt.


WHEN IN PARIS

Paris is one of the most visited cities in the world, but Parisians are not exactly known for their welcoming bonhomie. The haughty stereotype is not strictly true though; it’s usually more a case of cultural differences making the Parisian you’re attempting to interact with pull that pained, lemon sucking expression. Here are five top tips to help you get it right in the city of light. [Edit: Oh my god. A cheesier sentence never was wrote. They MADE me do it.]

1. ACKNOWLEDGE OTHER HUMANS

Parisian etiquette states that when entering a shop it's obligatory to say “Bonjour” directly to the person working there. When leaving always say, “Au Revoir.” This goes double if there is only one person working there and the place is empty. Though in many cultures it’s acceptable to browse in a shop without acknowledging the person working there, (being considered more polite to pretend they don’t exist) in Paris it’s like waving a big sign that says; “I’m an arrogant tourist.” Even if you don’t speak any other French, those words will completely change the shop worker’s demeanour towards you from frosty disdain to faux pleasantry at least. Try it both way and see the difference it makes. [EDIT 2: Since writing this I have followed Nancy's advice to look grumpy/bored when greeting shop assistants - works like a charm!]

2. VOLUME CONTROL

If you must remark loudly upon the awesomeness of Notre Dame Cathedral / the Eiffel Tower / the sunset over the Seine, try to hold it in until you get back to your hotel room. There’s nothing more annoying to the indigenous population than having their city discussed as if it’s a ride at Disneyworld. Those looks you’re getting? They mean shut up. You could always blog about it later.

3. SARTORIAL ADVICE

You should attempt to blend in under all circumstances. This does not mean wearing a beret with your name embroidered on it. Even worse would be making your comfort a priority over everyone else's by wearing cargo shorts, a sweaty T shirt, enormous trainers and a backpack. Never wear any colour except black, navy, charcoal grey or perhaps one beige item. Don’t wear anything that draws attention to you, or looks like you’re trying to be sexy.

4. PROPS

Give chain smoking another try and borrow a small dog (bulldogs are in). At a bar, order a Pastis Pernod and pretend you drink it all the time. Generally try to pout and frown simultaneously. Practice carrying a baguette nonchalantly: No one can help you fake this; you’ll just have to develop your own style. If it still looks like you’re about to pass a relay race baton, hiring a Velib bicycle is a good way to get around the problem, as they have baskets you can put your baguette/pooch in.

5. OUT TO LUNCH

It took me ages to work out that the most important part of the day in Paris is lunch time. Restaurants mostly cater to tourists in the evening, but in the middle of the day they’re full of Parisians enjoying their lunch break. Except on special occasions, Parisians rarely dine out during the week, choosing instead to make the most of their luxurious two hour lunch breaks (many shops still close during these hours as well). The atmosphere is a lot livelier; the staff more on form and you’ll be able to dine from the better value prix fixe lunch menu. The best bit is you’ll get to spy on the locals in their natural habitat: phones switched off, laptops put away, work forgotten and ready for a good long meal and a gossip. And they do this every work day.


All photos by me except 3: Griswold Family in European Vacation
and 4: Clerf's flickr.