THIS WEEK IN LONDON WE ARE MOSTLY WEARING...

Suddenly it is autumn and suddenly everyone is wearing skinny drainpipe jeans, ballet pumps, waistcoats, tweed city shorts and cropped A line jackets. This is the uniform that Kate Moss has been wearing for ages, and thus we must all now wear it because she is the fashion oracle. I don’t think she intended to share the ‘rolled up tenner in the nostril’ look though.

A few weeks ago I looked at my beloved bootcut James jeans that I’ve been wearing almost daily since January, and they just seemed all wrong, hideously outdated in fact. So I dragged my arse and saddlebag thighs (literally) into autumn/winter. And you know what, I look ok. I’ll spare you a photograph.

I am still obsessed with the Vanesa Bruno dress. It apparently does not exist in London (were the buyers blind?) so I will try my luck when I get to Paris. The Vanessa Bruno store does not put things on hold. They do not have time to speak on the phone, they are very busy and can only tell you that they do have the dress you want but you cannot reserve it unless you pay for it over the phone even though you don’t know what size you are. And you cannot put two sizes on hold, oh no no. Non.
I am now also obsessed with finding the perfect knee high flat, round toed riding boot.

I am SO shallow. I like being shallow. I am a mindless consumer robot as the man who preaches with the megaphone at Oxford Circus would say. This is absolutely true as today I was so consumed by window shopping that I forgot to go to my yoga class.

I wonder what people will mostly be wearing in Paris? Small pooches? Facial expressions of disdain when confronted by my scruffy Englishness? Or should that be my English scruffiness? I’ll be sure to let you all know. All three of you.

I used to live in Florence and got used to the looks of pity I received when dashing to my class with non blow dried hair and no make up. I will try to make an effort in Paris. I may even iron a few things and look in the mirror before going out. But I draw the line at matching accessories, bouffant hair or jauntily tied Hermes scarves.

BONJOUR PARIS...

It is all TOO exciting. I am actually going to spend October in Paris, home of a fashion week that, unlike London actually has shows by designers I CARE about. I don't mind jostling with security, being seated in a row where I have to strain to see the bottom left half of a model’s back or waiting 2 hours for the show to begin. Because it will be worth it! Hurrah for Isabel Marant, Vanessa Bruno, Chloe, Sonia Rykiel, Balenciaga and Lanvin. I CAN’T WAIT!

So many croissants, a whole month to eat ‘em all.

I am currently obsessed with a particular Vanessa Bruno shirt/coat dress. It is just the kind of thing Audrey Hepburn might have worn in How to Steal a Million. You know when you see something and know immediately that this is the piece you’ll wear all the time, strangers will compliment you when you wear it. It will be indispensable and will make your winter wardrobe perfect. Somehow, it will make your life perfect. I saw it in Copenhagen at a shop called Moshi Moshi which I really like and is just next to the Amokka café in Osterbro. I also bought a lovely satin polka dot belt by Baum und Pferdgarten there. ( My other top tip from Copenhagen designer wise is Stella Nova.)

They only had the Vanessa Bruno dress in a large size, the Danes being such slaves to fashion (and also thin from all that interminable cycling) they had obviously pounced on this baby as soon as it hit the rails. ‘Oh, I’ll get it in London’ I thought casually to myself. And now the mission begins. Every stockist of Vanessa Bruno has my phone number, all the details and very specific instructions to CALL ME and put it ON HOLD if they get it. I even phoned the store in Paris and of course spoke in English, my Franglais being quite frankly embarrassing. The assistant rather endearingly asked me to hold while she asked her ‘headmaster’ if they had it.
It will be mine.