MOVE FASTER OR GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY...

I have been having a problem liking London for some time. Well ok, about nine years.
Ever since I spent a blissful year living in Italy I have been suffering from ‘the grass is greener syndrome’. In short I have not really stopped bitching about the weather, the coffee, the cost of things, the food, the ugliness, the public transport system, the socialising (ie alcoholism), the men etc etc etc.
And every time I leave and return, it only adds fuel to the fire. I come home and compare London unfavourably to Rome or San Francisco or Paris or Copenhagen or anywhere really.

So, having had a conversation with my cousin recently where she was telling me about this psychology research guy who works on the basis that we filter everything to fit our preconceived notions, I decided to change my reality. Yes, I would go out on a quite sunny not too cold November morning and see the good in London. I would only allow myself to see the positive, to experience things that were pleasant and inspiring.

I headed off to my favourite coffee place, Monmouth Coffee in Borough market, where you can get a decent coffee and sit in nice industrial/rustic chic surroundings. On the way and needing something to read I forced myself to bypass Heat, Closer, New, Now and all the other gossip mags with headlines screaming of the ‘shocking weight loss’ of some C list celeb. Filling my brain with trash would not help. Well ok I had a peek. Old habits die hard. But I bought Time Out. I was going to scan those listings and find - so I thought, free poetry readings, art exhibitions, INSPIRATION!

The article I opened Time Out on was entitled ‘Is it just us, or is London rubbish?’ There followed four pages of fine print detailing all the things that pissed the writers off about the city. I found it quite restrained really, keeping to broad subjects such as the tube, areas of London they didn’t like, and annoying ‘meeeja’ types. I wonder how much they had to edit out.

So it seems I am not the only one who gets fed up to the back teeth with London.
I veer from strong feelings of absurd patriotism when confronted with disrespect towards the city, to really feeling quite down that the town where I was born and grew up in seems to have degenerated to the point where I don’t recognise it as the same place. Leaving seems like giving up. But the sheer energy and force of will required to simply get from A to B on a daily basis is enough to wear you out.

Time Out didn’t really mention the decision by our mayor to get rid of both red routemaster buses and black cabs despite opposition from literally everyone, thus eradicating two of the best known and loved emblems of our city. Would Paris stop illuminating the Eiffel Tower to save on lightbulbs? I don’t think so, and you can bet if they tried it, the people would demonstrate, being French.

Anyhoo I could rant all day long but today was supposed to be positive. So below in no particular order is my completely biased list of
GOOD THINGS ABOUT LONDON.
Tate Modern
The spotty Damien Hirst boat that speeds between the two Tate Museums
All the parks and green spaces
Borough Market
Monmouth Coffee Company
Selfridges
R.D Franks magazine shop
Tower Bridge
The few of us Londoners actually still here are generally quite civil.
Waterloo International (I’m aware that I’m listing something as good because it’s a way of leaving the country. I still think it’s good.)
Waterstone’s in Piccadilly
Red Routemaster buses
Black Taxi’s even if they are extortionate
Free firework displays on bonfire night
Homeless Big Issue vendors who smile and say ‘have a nice day’ even when you don’t buy one.

I just can’t think of anything else.

Somebody once said when you’re tired of London you’re tired of life.
I’d like a nice lie down in a hammock by the Seine please. I’m tired.

Ricky Gervais also once said, when asked what advice he’d give to tourists when visiting London; ‘Either move faster or get out of my fucking way.’