Wednesday, December 02, 2009

ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS SPARKLE...

I don't understand all this Christmas sparkle nonsense. I threw a newly purchased well known weekly fashion magazine in the bin yesterday, muttering something about, "outfit porn for P.A.s". All this demanding I become extremely excited at the prospect of wearing sequins, sparkles and glitter on every inch of my body. At what other time of year would normally sane fashion journalists be proposing we all wear stretch burgundy velvet? I don't know anyone who fits into the mould of having the kind of office Christmas party depicted in this Boots ad, for example (which is actually quite funny). It's as alien to me as eating sheep's eyeballs and I would probably prefer to do that. But where are the features for those of us in the minority; who aren't going to nip into the office loo, don a lycra sequined dress, a pair of New Look heels and slather ourselves in glitter before rocking up at All Bar One and gleefully downing a bottle of Cava before snogging Gareth from accounts? Does anyone actually do this, or is it just a suburban myth?

It's cold outside. Why are there women with nothing but fake tan and bruises on their legs? The only leg covering worth considering is either some Hansel from Basel tights or my personal choice, Falke Softmerino tights in charcoal. They're thin, but warm, but not itchy or boiling hot warm. And they're very soft, as the name suggests.















I'm not drinking Cava; my teeth will fall out. Far better to warm up with a nice Scotch. I favour Caol Ila but am not too fussy. In the morning you'll need an Hermes Pendulette travel clock by your side because the Scotch will have knocked you out cold and you'll be late otherwise.

Make up: loads of La Roche Posay moisturiser, Carmex lip balm and Laura Mercier eye pencil. Fingernails: NO glitter, shimmer or metallic. Opi Matte Russian Navy is as festive as I'm getting.
The only way I'll be getting away with any kind of flimsy party dress is by pairing it with a chunky cardigan and boots.

10 comments:

Claire said...

What's that? Thinly disguised Christmas list? What DO you mean?

If Jane said...

well put indeed! ;)) a lot of sparkly fuss around x-mas..
and like my couisn (we still don'T know whose idea it was first?)...i place x-mas lights on an old wooden chair and call it my "christmas tree" ;)) suits me fine...
and since i do not have an office to go to...this year i plan on hosting an "orphan's x-mas"....haven't thought of my wishlist yet (even though i do know some people who have finished their x-mas shopping!!)...but i think i can come up with one over a nice glass of champagne...or two...hihihihi!

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Our Christmas office party will consist of a v-e-r-y long speech by the Director , a vegetarian buffet and all the ladies dancing together while the gentlemen try to find a corkscrew that works . Glitter frowned on .

erica said...

amen to falke tights!

am i greedy for wanting a pair of shearling lined no. 6s? maybe.

fashionforwriters said...

I've admired your blog for so long! Especially after the time you posted about the Book of Disquietude, one of my favorite books by Pessoa (or anyone.) And I'm in complete agreement with the holidays, and the absurdity and gross-ity of holiday marketing. I've already got my Hansel from Basel tights, and I'll definitely be wearing insanely warm boots and a big honkin jacket to any party I attend this winter.

Jenny

claire said...

Good choice of whisky. Have you tried Bruichladdich, also from Islay? I did a whisky tasting/cycling holiday there a few years ago and their 'Yellow Submarine' bottle was a particular favourite.

Claire

Sarah said...

Heehee this made me chuckle. Having never worked in an office before I wondered if this strange beaviour was something I was missing out on. Now I realise my ideal Christmas has become decidedly more Rosamunde Pilcher than anything else, how sickening,perhaps I'm just getting old?
Sarah

Bombay Beauty said...

I'm with you on the choice of beverage! bb

ruth-anne said...

this was a really hilarious post.. i even viewed the boots ad. !
i'll take the hansel and basel tights. and. the whisky.
;

Anonymous said...

I am a huge fan of Falke tights - so warm and well-engineered! When I was in Munich recently I discovered that they make an amazing silk-blend version for 100+ Euros...